


Halloween Stinks

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [16]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Bodily Functions, Candy, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Halloween, Nonabusive, Oral Sex, Religious Humor, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-11-29 11:15:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker decides to make Halloween interesting this year for Gotham





	1. A Fart is Always Funny

Dressed in his favorite purple pinstripe suit, orange dress shirt, green vest and matching bowtie, with his shining white spats over his black dress shoes, Joker entered the hideout whistling happily with a smiling Bob walking on one side of him. The big man was dressed all in neon green with little neon green cat ears and tail under his tutu. Bob had his arms full of bags of Halloween candy. Frost was on Joker’s other side in his usual dark suit and tie, carrying a couple plastic bags filled with even more Halloween candy and some Halloween decorations for the hideout. 

Joker switched from his merry whistling to singing under his breath while he strolled with a jaunty gait through the hideout. 

“That a man without a woman 

Is like a ship without a sail 

A boat without a rudder 

Or a fish without a tail 

And a man without a woman 

Is like a wreck upon the sand 

There's only one thing worse in the universe 

That's a woman without a man 

Joker did a little two step dance to the song he was singing. In one hand he carried a bag of Halloween candy, and in the other he had a bouquet of black silk roses trimmed in purple and green glitter. Under his arm, he had a can of Halloween themed whipped cream (it was orange) that he had stolen (along with the candy and decorations) from a local store. He was in a good mood because he planned on going upstairs with his treats and wooing the clothes off Harley Quinn, his beautiful and precious wife, then they were going to do the devil’s tango until the sun came up. 

Joker grinned, thinking to himself in a sultry voice...Devil’s tango...followed by a giggle. 

Frost and Bob scattered after they entered the hideout, heading into the community kitchen to put away the candy and to start decorating the henchmen section of the hideout for Halloween (which Joker knew would thrill Harley when she came down and saw all the decorations up. Harley loved Halloween as much as he did, sometimes more. Just another reason he loved her.) Harley had already decorated they’re private rooms for Halloween, their bedroom, living room, and even the bathroom was festooned with bats, pumpkins, and ghosts. 

As he passed, heading toward the stairs that led up to their quarters, humming happily and dancing his way there, the sound of laughter drew his attention. Joker noticed a handful of his people from the corner of his eye sitting at one of the larger tables in the back, near the kitchens. They were all gathered around a laptop computer, snickering and gawffing. None of them had seen him yet; if they had he known he was watching them, they would have been on their feet in terror waiting to see if this was a good day or a bad day. He giggled quietly. That 

was always funny, watching them fall all over themselves to hopefully not die...though he hadn’t killed any of them lately...Joker frowned at that thought. He seemed to be slipping a bit...that was Harley’s influence. He thought that he should be angry about that, but decided not to worry about it instead. It was way more fun making the gang worry if he was going to do something. He supposed he was like a murderous Schrodinger’s Cat, would he or wouldn’t he kill them? They knew murder was coming, but when, how, and who? 

The longer he didn’t do anything, the more nervous they would become...and that was hilarious! 

He took a few quiet steps in the direction of the clustered gang members, careful not to draw attention to himself. As he drew closer, Joker heard the unmistakable bubbly sounds of farts followed by his gang’s loud and uproarious laughter. Whatever video it was that they were watching, the group had clearly been at it for a while since several of them looked to be in tears while one or two were in that state of uncontrollable hiccuping laughter in which the merest thing would make them laugh. One of the men, a fellow with a mostly bald head except for the wild orange dyed locks of hair on the sides of his head that looked like explosion of frizzy fire, (Joker called the man BoBo, he had no idea if that was the man’s actual name or not, nor did he care) giggled like a schoolgirl. 

“Aw man, farts are never not funny.” 

One of the younger women who had joined recently, a short little thing with big bug eyes (recruited by Harley...Joker thought her name might be Betty…) laughed. “Agreed, it’s gross but so damn funny!” 

Archie, who as always was in full clown makeup and costume, a cigar in the corner of his unsmiling mouth muttered. “Can you die from farting too much?” 

Another henchman, an ordinary looking brute sort (Joker had no idea who he was) answered. “Well I read that farts have really little oxygen in them, and that they do have the gases that can kill a person in them. But fart gas is unbreathable air, and if you were able to fill a scuba tank with it by like saving up your farts for a year, and then make someone breathe the gas, they would die from lack of oxygen.” 

Someone else that Joker couldn’t see laughed. “Well that seems like a lot of trouble. You would have to have a vacuum seal on your butt to get the farts.” 

“What about setting your farts on fire?” someone asked, to which Bobo muttered. “That would kill you along with the dude you’re trying to off.” 

Betty laughed. “Okay, that’s stupid...can we watch another video?” 

“Sure…” Bobo hit play and soon the gang was laughing again at whatever video was playing, the loud sounds of farts filling the room mixed with the sounds of laughter. 

* 

Joker frowned slightly in thought as he turned to head back toward the stairs. It was true, farts were always funny… 

He chew contemplatively on his bottom lip as he walked away and made his way up the stairs to Harley. Farts were always funny… 

Joker opened the door to their shared room and stepping in. 

“Honey! I’m home!!” he sang out. 

Harley looked up from where she sat on the beat up couch they owned, a paperback book in her hands, her golden blonde hair down around her shoulders slightly damp. Joker realized she must have taken a shower. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but her face glowed and she looked at least ten years younger, all fresh faced and pretty, beautiful without a spot of makeup on at all. Joker bit his lip, gazing at her. She was wearing a pair of purple panties and a tiny pink tank top that barely covered her bosom. 

Harley smiled brightly when she saw him. “Puddin! You’re back!” 

Joker walked over and bowed, holding out the flowers. “Flowers for my girl and…” He held out the bag of candy. “Chocolates! AND….” But he didn’t get to the can of whipped cream before Harley tossed her book aside with a squeal. “Puddin!!!” 

Harley took the flowers and chocolate with a happy giggle, tossing them aside to push up onto her knees and wrap her arms around Joker, yanking him off his feet and onto the couch with her, nearly causing him to drop his can of whipped cream. 

Joker laughed letting himself fall against her while she covered his face in kisses. “Oh ho! I do like greetings like this.” He cooed, letting her continue her kissing while he shifted position enough to sprawl out beside her. “But there’s more Harls…” 

Harley let him go long enough for Joker to hold up the can of Spooky Halloween Whipped Cream, a Delicious Cream in Every Can! According to the print on the can. He shook the can back and forth with a wicked grin on his red lips. “Wanna play ghostbusters?” 

Harley laughed, taking the can from him and reading the print on it for a moment before she looked up. “It’s orange? That’s what makes it Halloween whipped cream?” 

“No, what makes it Halloween whipped cream is I’m going to spray it on you, then lick it off certain parts of your body while you make sounds like a very aroused ghost.” Joker smirked at her causing Harley to snickered. 

“Seriously?” 

Joker pouted. “You don’t want me to lick…?” 

“I didn’t say that!” Harley hopped to her feet with the can and shook it, wiggling her eyebrows. “Who you gonna call?” 

A grin spread across Joker’s red lips. “Ghostbusters!” 

Harley took off at a run to their bedroom with Joker jumping up and giving chase. When he entered the room, Harley stopped by the bed. She smiled slowly, holding out a hand to stop him from coming in any farther. “Now, you stay right there…” 

Joker pouted. “But…” 

Harley shoved her hand out at him for emphasis. “No...don’t move!” 

Joker went still and watched while Harley stripped out of her little bits of clothing. His smile slowly spread across his face as he watched her take the can of whipped cream and slowly spray circles of the fluffy confection around her nipples, then draw herself a little triangle of whipped orange cream at her groin. 

Harley tossed the can onto the bed before she took several steps back and crawled onto the bed. “Now...I think I need an exorcism.” 

Joker began to undress while Harley watched him intently. She liked watching him strip, liked the reveal of his pale naked flesh, something only she got to see (and the occasional doctor at Arkham.) “Well I’m just the clown for the job.” Joker gave his wife a happy grin, yanking down his pants. 

Harley giggled, situating herself on the bed, resting back on her elbows, her legs bent, and spread just a little. She placed the back of her hand against her forehead in dramatic fashion. “Oh Father Joker, I’m possessed by an evil spirit!” 

Joker giggled coming over to stand by the side of the bed, his erection becoming harder as he gazed down at her. He stopped at the side of the bed where he performed a series of ridiculous looking hand gestures. “I shall exorcise the demon my child...with my tongue…” 

Harley snickered. “Would that be considered speaking in tongues?” 

Joker gasped in surprise. “Harley, I don’t know!” He gave her a sly smile. “Shall we find out?” 

Harley wiggled on the bed. “OOoh yes...exorcise me daddy…” 

Joker giggled and crawled onto the bed after her, his blue eyes glowing in the white pale of his face, red lips glistening with anticipation. He moved to position himself between her legs. His hands slowly stroked up and down her legs, his fingers pressing into her smooth, creamy soft skin. 

Harley licked her upper lip, letting her legs fall open a little more. “You gonna suck the demon out of me Father Joker?” 

Joker continued to caress her legs while sliding himself down between them. He pressed his long pointed nose against her thigh and inhaled the sweet vanilla scent of her skin before he grinned and lay down. resting on his elbows between her legs. 

“Oh yeah...I’m going to suck that evil right out of you…” He chuckled. 

He reached up to gently run a finger through the whip cream at her groin, causing goosebumps to spring to life across Harley’s skin. He drew lazily into the cream while Harley watched him. Then he slowly drew his finger down, sliding between the soft, wet folds of her sex. 

Harley moaned softly while Joker scooped up more of the cream to spread it over her in slow, smooth gestures. Each time his finger passed over the tight, most sensitive part of her sex, Harley felt a burst of heat, like hot flashes being sprayed over her, mixed with eletricity that zapped and zipped through her body that made her nipples ache. 

Joker continued to tease her, his touch light, but firm until he was happy with the amount of whipped cream he had spread over her creamy, soft skin. 

He glanced up her body, catching her gaze. “It’s like dessert.” He giggled wrinkling his nose at her. Joker slid in closer to her, wrapping an arm around one of her legs, lifting the limb over his shoulder, and spread his long-fingered hand across her stomach. 

“Mm...my delicious harlequin…” he purred, catching her gaze once more just before he dived in, opening his mouth wide against her. He slowly, very slowly, dragged his tongue up, spreading her sex open at the same time, tasting a mix of her and the whipped cream. 

Harley groaned arching her back just a little, pressing one foot into the mattress, her other foot caressed his shoulder. “Oooh...puddin...” 

Joker flicked his tongue over her, focusing his attention on the quivering bud of her sex. He twisted his tongue, circling the sensitive spot that made her quiver, then gently caught the bud with his lips. He sucked just a little, finding the pearl of delight and pressing his lips against it, sucking gently. 

Harley cried out, nearly rising up off the bed as the climax caught her by surprise. “Puddin!!” 

Joker chuckled, could feel the vibration of her pleasure. He loved how responsive she was to him, how he could make her scream. He released her to focus again on licking her, taking his time to enjoy her reaction as he buried his tongue inside Harley. 

Harley dropped back down on the bed, reaching above her to grab at the pillows while Joker pleasured her. He was so good with his lips and tongue she always thought his attentions were going to be more than she could handle. He was quite thorough, never leaving any tender spot unattended. She drew in a sharp breath as a shudder ran through her while Joker focused his attention on her, his mouth moving in a slow, sensual kiss. His fingers caressed her stomach, one hand snaking up her body to glide over her breast and spread orange whipped cream. His found her nipple, brushing his fingers over the firm, pink bud while he sucked at her again combining two sensations that sent her flying for the stars. 

Joker chuckled when Harley came again, feeling that delicious tension and the breaking when she released. 

He released her to slowly make his way up her body, placing kisses on her skin as he made his way to her breasts and looked up long enough to purr. “Still haven’t finished with exorcising you my child...Father Joker needs to perform a few more rituals.” He laughed while dragging his tongue through the whipped cream and over her nipple. 

Harley groaned. Her hair was mostly dry, but some of the strands had fallen into her face as she smiled at him, her eyes bright. “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.” 

Joker waggled his green eyebrows at her and licked her nipple. “That’s one of the things I love about you sweets...all the sinning.” 

He sucked on her nipple, reaching down between them to stroke her with his fingers. Harley moaned loudly and arched while Joker cleaned the whipped cream from one breast before turning his attention to the other, taking his time to enjoy every sweet bit. 

Harley arched and groaned again, reaching down to caress Joker’s thick green hair, to cradle his head against her breasts, her legs wide while he caressed her. He knew just where to touch her to make her climax again. Harley loved touching him, loved the way he felt, the way he smelled, everything about him. She bit down on her bottom lip, whimpering while Joker touched her, sliding his fingers into her. He thrust deepm and while it felt good, his fingers could never replace the feeling of having his erection in her. She ached, moaning with the intensity of her need. 

Joker growled against her breast enjoying the sweet smell of her skin, the softness of her body... He continued to stroke her, forcing her to ride her climax higher. He chuckled softly when she jerked and twisted under him, as if she were fighting to get away from his insistent touch while at the same time craving his fingers between her legs. His erection ached with wanting to take her, with wanting to bury himself in her sweet wetness, but he liked making sure she was thoroughly wet and pleasured before he dove into his sweet Harley Quinn. 

Joker rose up and kissed her hard on the mouth, his tongue plunging into her mouth. At the same time Joker grabbed Harley’s arms and yanked them over her head while he drove into her. 

Harley responded with a cry of pleasure, her arms jerking as he held her down, thrusting hard and deep into her. 

Harley kissed him back hard, passionately, her tongue caressing his red lips, pressing her feet against the mattress, and thrust back, panting with pleasure. 

“Puddin...my puddin…” Harley panted while Joker kissed her throat, his hands tight around her wrists. 

He purred against her throat while he rammed into her. “Ask...grr...uh...for forgiveness for your sins and the demon will be exorcised.” 

Harley giggled between moans. “I...uh...don’t want...forgiveness...I just...oh, puddin...our demons...uuh...dance so well...together…” 

Joker laughed with pleasure, feeling her tightening around him, the tension in their bodies building together, rising higher. He hissed with strain and let go of her wrists, dropping his hands down beside her to push himself up and thrust. At her urging, he pounded harder into her, the sounds of their panting, the sound of their bodies coming together filled the room. 

Joker arched and cried out in release. 

Harley grabbed a hold of Joker, holding on tight to his shoulders. She bit her bottom lip, watching her hand slid down his arms. She loved the contrast of her pink skin against the ghost white of his flesh, he was like a ghost, like porcelain, her precious, delicate, yet strong, Mistah J. When she felt him cum, it was like something deep inside her went off like a firecracker, she felt as if she had a burst of erotic pleasure, exploding like a bubble from deep inside her and spreading throughout her body. She screamed, letting the intensity roll over her until she felt weak. 

Joker collapsed on top of her and lay still for a few moments, the only movement were the lazy kisses he pressed against her skin while Harley giggled softly and stroked her hands down his back and shoulders. 

After a few more kisses, Joker sighed and rolled off her to flop onto the mattress. “I do love coming home to those sorts of greetings.” 

Joker lifted his arm allowing Harley to snuggle close, pressing her nose against his chest where she planted several kisses. “Well it's not everyday you bring home Halloween candy.” 

Joker laughed. “Speaking of...be right back...I’ll bring you a wash cloth too.” 

Harley stretched and purred. “Thank you puddin.” 

Joker stopped in the bathroom first, cleaning off himself and brought Harley a damp rag to clean herself off before he headed to the couch where he had left the bag of candy. Harley watched him go with a grin, her eyes taking in his bare butt, back, and legs. He was really beautiful she thought with pleasure. 

He came back a few seconds later, crawling into bed. (Harley had pulled the covers back and had snuggled under the blankets). He sat up and tore open the candy, handed one of the miniature bars of chocolate to her. “There you go my sweet, sweets for the sweet.” 

Harley giggled, opening it up and popped the chocolate into her mouth. She chewed happily and snuggled back up against Joker’s chest. “So you guys get the decorations?” she asked. 

Joker nodded chewing on his own piece of chocolate. “Yup and tons of Halloween candy.” 

Harley giggled. “We should carve pumpkins tomorrow.” 

Joker nodded while he chewed on another piece of candy. “I could do a Batman one! And a Robin...then smash them with a crowbar.” Joker snickered evilly and Harley laughed. 

“After Halloween, you can smash them.” 

Joker pouted. “Fine…” 

He started to pop another piece of chocolate he had unwrapped into his mouth when he stopped and frowned, looking at the miniature chocolate bar in his hand, turning it slowly, studying it intently. 

Harley stopped and watched him. She recognized all the signs that her Joker was coming up with an idea. She could see it in how still he became whenever he was thinking a problem through, the way his blue eyes became introspective, and how his brow furrowed in the most attractive way. Joker was never still, not really. Something about him was always moving whether he was a tapping a foot or rubbing his gloved fingers together. He was always twitching unless he was coming up with a plan, or working on his chemicals, or a trap, then he would become frighteningly still. She chewed on her chocolate and waited. If she distrubed him while he was in deep thought like this, he could become angry...she hated to make him angry--not that she was ever in danger from him, but she still didn’t want her husband to be angry. He should be smiling all the time. Her happy clown. 

“Harley, do you think farts are funny?” Joker suddenly asked. 

Harley frowned in confusion. That was not what she had been expecting him to ask, not that she had any idea what he had been about to ask, but farts was so far from her mind that it wasn’t even on her radar. “Ah, yeah, I suppose so. They sound if pretty funny, but not so sure about the stink...even though I suppose that can be pretty funny too. Why?” 

Joker turned in the bed with a big grin on his face. “The kids were downstairs watching fart videos on the computer when we got home and they were laughing, a lot...what if I found a way to make all of Gotham laugh like that!” 

Harley frowned in confusion, not sure where this was going. “Ah...with a fart video?” 

Joker laughed. “No silly, what if I make all of Gotham fart?!” 

Harley continued to frown as she turned her head to look at him sidelong. “But, how?” 

Joker held up a piece of Halloween candy. “With this...Halloween night is coming, the one night where everyone all over Gotham will indulge their sweet tooth...what if I make a candy that will cause everyone to fart, stinky farts…” Joker snickered. “Just imagine all of Gotham farting together!” Joker gasped. “Just imagine the Dark Knight tooting away like a tugboat!” Joker snickered. 

Harley giggled. “Can you do that?” 

Joker grinned. “Well my sweets, guess I’m going to have to find out!” 

* 

The next few days Joker was locked up in his lab working. The smells of cotton candy, chocolate, and the less pleasant odor of methane filled the hideout. Harley had candles burning everywhere and had even made Frost get her sticks of sage and incense to burn. Joker was even showing up for bed smelling horrible every night until Harley told him if he didn’t stop soon he was going to be sleeping downstairs with Bob. 

But finally, two weeks before Halloween, Joker burst into their room wearing large purple goggles, a knee length white lab coat, and yellow rubber galoshes, his green hair sticking up wildly around his head and yelled at her. 

“I've done it!!!” 

* 

Dressed in red and black leggings with an oversized red sweater adorned in black diamonds, her hair in pigtails with black and red ribbons, Harley sat downstairs on a folding chair chewing and blowing pink bubbles with Jonny Frost on one side of her and Bob on the other. Today, Bob wore a black and pink tutu ensemble with a matching pair of black cat ears on his bald head and pink tennis shoes on his feet with little black cat faces painted on the toes by Harley. They were waiting as Joker, dressed in purple slacks and a bright green dress shirt without a tie, the buttons of which were opened down to the middle of his chest, (which made Harley want to rip the shirt off and lick his chest…) and wearing a pair of purple dress shoes, was setting out five pieces of what looked like regular mini chocolate candy bars on a fold out table with pieces of paper above each piece of candy, taped down and labeled with numbers 1 through 5. 

Harley frowned watching him. “What are we doing?” 

Joker turned to look over his shoulder at her, his blue eyes bright and dancing with mischief. “Tonight is the taste test. Just wait Harls--this is gonna be great!” Joker giggled like a child with a secret as he arranged the candy. 

He motioned at Bob when he was done. “Okay darling, go get the volunteers!” 

Bob nodded with a happy smile and hurried off. 

A few seconds later, Bob came back into the room with five members of the gang, (one of them Archie in his full makeup and clown outfit) each wearing a plain white t-shirt with a number from 1 to 5 written in purple glitter pen on their chests. Archie had his t-shirt pulled over his clown costume, the shirt looking tight and uncomfortable. 

“Okay, line up with your number on the table.” Joker motioned as the five members, three men and two women, lined up. Joker had no idea what their names were, except Archie of course because that man was a hoot, but the rest, to him they had simply become their numbers, here to fulfill a job for him. 

Harley frowned. She knew their names: Archie, Willard, Dickie, Vicki, and Pepa. She didn’t know any of them very well and she supposed since her puddin was holding some sort of experiment, then she was probably not going to get to know any of them anyway. Her brow furrowed slightly. Of course, that also meant that she was going to have help Jonny and Bob do some new recruiting. 

She hated recruiting… 

Joker clapped his hands together, causing everyone in the room to jump. “All right! Today my darlings, you are getting to taste test my new Joker Halloween candy! It’s so good, you’ll be dying for the next bite!” He laughed and motioned at the table. “Okay boys and girls, get your candy.” 

Archie asked in his monotone voice. “Is this gonna kill us?” 

Joker grinned. “No idea.” 

Archie sighed. “I hope this kills me.” 

The rest of them looked terrified, but they picked up the pieces of chocolate, turning back around to face the Joker and Harley. “Did you all pick up the ones that correspond with your number?” 

Joker asked with narrowed eyes. “You switched them up, I’m gonna be really vexed.” 

“No, no sir, we got the right ones.” Willard, a large man with Elvis Presely styled hair answered. 

Joker beamed at him. “Good good. Okay then--eat up kiddies. Your Uncle Joker needs to know how they taste.” 

The four people, except for Archie who had already popped the chocolate into his mouth and was chewing with vigor, clearly hoped the candy was going to kill him, and kill him swiftly. The others all looked at one another then back at Joker, at Harley, and at Jonny and Bob. Bob was simply grinning, Frost ignored them, and Harley shrugged. 

“Better eat the candy.” She motioned at them. 

Joker snarled and stomped his foot. “What are you waiting for??! Eat the candy!” 

Each of the four went a shade paler and reluctantly popped the candy into their mouths. (There was possible death and for sure death at the hands of Joker. All of them figured it was better to take a chance and live than to die, probably painfully at Joker’s hands.) 

Harley watched with amusement. It was like watching a tiny herd of cows the way everyone (except Archie hwo had eaten his chocolate rapidly) chewed slowly, as if going slow would somehow reduce the chances of whatever was going to happen to them. 

After a few seconds the one named Pepa smiled, looking at the others in surprise. “These actually taste good.” 

Joker frowned at her, his hands on his hips. ‘Whaddaya mean actually? Of course they do! I made them.” 

After everyone swallowed, they stood around looking at each other, and a few glanced at their boss, but nothing happened. 

Archie sighed, his shoulders drooping. “I’m still alive...damn.” 

“Was that it?” Vicki asked, looking around in confusion. 

Joker smiled slowly, showing all his perfect teeth. “Nope, just wait.” 

They all looked at each other in confusion (except Archie who looked disappointed) when the man named Dickie, a tall slender man with big eyes and thin lips, groaned loudly and grabbed his stomach, which made a loud bubbling pop noise. “I don’t feel so good…” 

Vicki touched her stomach too. The loud grumble of her gut was clear to everyone in the room. “Me either,” she whispered and groaned again. 

Joker started to giggle. “Uh oh, here it comes! The results! Now be sure to be honest children, tell me everything you’re feeling!” 

Dickie paled, his eyes grey around the edges. “Ah...I think…” 

That was when Willard, a chubby man with hairy jowls, jerked and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He stayed standing up, jerking in place for a few seconds. No one touched him or went to help him. Instead they all watched in horror (or in Joker’s case, fascination, Archie in with envy, and Harley with amusement.) Willard finally jerked hard enough that he collapsed to the floor where foam began bubbling out of his mouth in a pink, frothy stream. Willard continued to spasm, looking a great deal like a fish out of water as he jerked in place, his heels drumming against the floor, his legs kicking, his arms flailing around. Just as suddenly as Willard’s spasms started, he stopped. Blood was oozing from his eyes and nose, mixing with the bloody foam coming from his mouth. 

Archie frowned holding his stomach, like everyone else, Archie’s gut had started to make terribly loud rumbling sounds. He grimaced, but dropped down next to Willard and checked the man’s pulse before sighing dramatically. “He’s dead, the lucky bastard.” 

Pepa suddenly screamed. “I need a toilet!!” 

She turned and ran. She let out a loud wet sounding fart that squealed loudly like a pinched horn as she raced from the room, but not before the sound left a dark wet stain on the back of her pants. 

Harley made a face and burst out laughing. 

Jonny Frost covered his mouth with his arm, but he was laughing too, the amusement clear in his eyes. 

Bob pitched forward to grab his knees, silently laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

The others (except Archie) began to panic. 

Harley wrinkled her nose, watching Pepa flee, but she was giggling. She turned her attention to Joker. “Mistah J, what did you do?” she asked with amusement. 

Joker had started to laugh, tears in his eyes the moment Willard died. 

He flapped his hand at Harley, trying to speak through his laughter. “Just watch Harls.” 

Dickie groaned and grabbed his stomach. He had started to stagger for the door. “I don’t feel good…” 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than Dickie projectile vomited across the room, the brown gunk splattering against Vicki, who screamed. Once Dickie started to vomit, he couldn't stop. The man staggered out of the room in the direction that Pepa had fled, vomiting every couple of seconds. 

Joker howled with laughter. 

Archie groaned again, grabbing his stomach as it rumbled menacingly. “Something’s happening,” he warned. Archie grinned. He actually sounded hopeful and excited, something Harley had never heard or seen from the tiny clown before. 

Vickie had stopped screaming, her eyes going wide as she reached up to her mouth. She started making weird sounds like she had stuffed her mouth full of cotton and as everyone watched her in morbid fascination, Vicki’s tongue began to protrude, like a great dark pink bubble, her tongue swelling in her mouth and spilling out. At the same time Vickie began to scratch at herself. The scratching quickly turning vicious as large, scarlet welts began to appear all over her skin popping up like nasty, ugly acne. The boils on her skin appeared swiftly and as she began to scratch, some of the boils popped with sounds almost like a popgun going off, the little wounds oozing. Vicki tried to scream, but her tongue was now five times its normal size and was choking her. She staggered from the room in a panic. 

But everyone's attention was drawn to Archie who had doubled over and groaned loudly. Harley’s eyes were wide with anticipation, waiting to see what was going to happen to him when Archie backside exploded with sound, letting out the loudest fart Harley had ever heard in her entire life. 

It wasn’t just loud. It was long, and foul smelling. Once Archie started to fart, the dry rumbling sound, like two wet rubber pancakes between flapped together at super speed, continued for nearly two minutes. Harley squealed, pulling her sweater over her mouth and nose, watching Archie who was still bent over as he continued to fart. 

Bob was laughing silently, tears running down his chubby cheeks. Frost’s eyes were wide, his arms still over his mouth and nose, but Joker had fallen to the floor holding his sides while Archie continued to fart. 

When it was finally over, Archie groaned, his stomach loudly rumbling still. “Shit, here comes another!! Ah FUCK! I wish I was dead!! Ugh...here it comes!!” 

Joker screamed with laughter. 

Harley stood up, but she was laughing. “Oh god puddin, I need to leave! The smell! This is disgusting!!” 

(Vicki had fallen over. She had stopped twitching, so she might have been dead, not that Harley cared at the moment because nothing could distract her from the loud and incredible stench of Archie’s gas.) 

Joker laughed, looking up at his girl. “That is what I’ve been working on!” He pointed at Archie. “This Halloween is going to be the biggest, stinkiest Halloween in the history of Gotham!”


	2. Chocolate Treats

Harley came trotting down the stairs into the basement where Joker kept his lab. She hummed happily, carrying a tray, and dressed in a French maid’s outfit complete with black fishnet stockings, little frilly hat (and long pigtails), and black stiletto heels. The dress had so many layers of ruffles under the skirt that she barely had to move to make it bounce. When she arrived at the bottom of the stairs she saw Bob, dressed all in yellow and green with a cute little green and yellow mixed tutu, and a gasmask on which he had painted a smile over. When Bob saw her, he waved merrily. Next to him stood Frost, not in a gasmask, and looking a little pale around the gills. 

“How’s it going boys?” Harley asked as she stepped off the last step. 

Bob simply bobbed his head in response. 

Frost shrugged. “He’s been working non-stop, but I think he’s about done.” 

Harley nodded. “That’s good since tomorrow is Halloween.” 

Frost nodded, “Yeah, don’t know why he didn’t let any of us help him though. We could have gotten a few guys in there to at least bag the candy for him.” 

Harley smiled and stopped in front of the door. “Well, you know what a perfectionist he is, especially if it's a gag he knows is going to be really funny.” 

Frost reached for the door knob for her. “You sure you don’t want a gas mask before you head in there?” 

Harley giggled. “Nah, I’ll be fine. 

Frost pushed the door open a little, but Harley eased the door the rest of the way open with her hip and peeked inside. The tray in her hands held a plate on which lay a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk. She walked in slowly, making sure her heels didn’t click too loudly against the floor. The entirety of Joker’s lab smelled of chocolate and something stinky. With a sniff and a grimace, she wished she had taken up Frost’s offer of a gasmask. 

The lighting inside the room was dim. He always kept it dim in here no matter what he was working on. That usually bothered her because he worked with so many unstable chemicals most of the time, but Joker never seemed to have a problem working down here. 

Harley made her way around several tables that held devices in various states of creation and around several more that held bright, neon green liquid pumping merrily through long tubes and into glass beakers. She knew some of the green liquid was Joker venom, but there were others that looked different; some dark green, some much, much lighter that she had no idea what they were, only that her puddin had told her to stay away from them whenever she was in the lab. Which meant they were probably dangerous. 

Harley finally found him in an area where the smell of chocolate was strongest. 

Joker was dressed in a pair of dark green pinstripe pants held up by a pair of red suspenders. He was neither wearing a shirt, nor was he wearing shoes. The only other clothing he had on was a lab coat and goggles he insisted on wearing when he worked, no matter what he was doing in here--Joker always insisted that he had to wear a lab coat and goggles. He was currently filling green plastic and purple bags with individually wrapped squares of chocolate. The bags were to be taken out tonight and distributed everywhere in Gotham wherever Halloween candy was sold, just in time for tomorrow night's festivities. 

Joker was focused on one particularly large bag that he was filling with the individual wrapped candies that Harley could see as soon as she was close enough that her puddin had taken extra special care to wrap. 

“Hey puddin, what are those for?” Harley asked and watched with a grimace as Joker jumped a foot and spun to face her. “Harley! Damn it!! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” Joker gasped, grabbing his chest. “I’m not a young man despite how dashingly handsome I am.” He settled down and grinned. “I’m already as white as death, so I don’t think you could tell if I fell over dead you know.” He wrinkled his nose at her, his eyes hidden behind his goggles making him look like one of those bug eyed mad scientists. “Though a little mouth to mouth to help me breathe would be fun.” 

He giggled making Harley laugh. 

She smiled. “Sorry puddin, I brought you something to eat.” She held the tray up. “Though I don’t know how you can eat here. The stink and the chocolate mixed...ew.” Harley made a face. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a candy bar again.” 

Joker grinned wickedly. “After Halloween night, no one will.” 

She laughed with a shake of her head. “I can’t believe you’re gonna ruin chocolate.” She set his tray down, balancing it on a slightly clean area of table, and wrinkling her nose again. The smell of rotten eggs and chocolate was bad, but at least the chocolate scent was more powerful than the egg scent. 

“So, that bag of chocolates looks different than the ones you were making before...” Harley indicated the bag in his hand. “Is there a reason puddin?” 

Joker gave her sly grin. “Yes there is my sweet. I’m glad you asked. This bag…” Joker held it up. “...along with several others, is heading over to the Annual Halloween party at Wayne Manor! This particular batch of chocolates I have made special for maximum fartiness.” He giggled, pleased with himself. “I’ve arranged several bags to appear at the G.C.P.D. The Gotham Gazette, GNN, and to Gotham General Hospital…” Joker snickered, clearly pleased with himself. “Tomorrow is going to be such a wonderful night!” 

Harley giggled as she tapped the plate. “Yes, but if you don’t eat something…” 

Joker groaned, stopping what he was doing to walk over, pick up the sandwich, and take a large bite of it. “Better?” he asked around a mouthful while giving Harley an annoyed look. 

She just smiled. “Yes. And you didn’t say anything about my outfit.” 

Harley held her arms out and pranced around in a circle, letting the skirt bounce before she stopped to face him and smiled. “Well?” 

Joker had taken another bite of his sandwich while giving her a thorough once over. He lifted one green eye brow in appreciation. “Oh I do like it. Make the skirt bounce again.” 

Harley giggled and spun around again. Joker giggled with a crooked grin. “I love it.” 

Harley grinned happily. “Thank you. So tomorrow--are we gonna dress up?” 

Joker nodded as he finished off his sandwich, chasing it down quickly by chugging his chocolate milk, leaving a chocolate mustache over his red lips. “Of course...” His voice trailed off. 

Harley frowned at him. “You haven’t thought of anything have you?” 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out. “I’ve been busy with chocolate…” 

Harley frowned at him and narrowed her eyes in thought. “How would you feel about continuing with the priest theme, but this time I get to be a nun?” 

Joker’s smile was wickedly adorable. “Yes!!! I love it! Though do I get to soil the nun at the end of the night?” Joker looked hopeful. 

Harley giggled. “Yes, yes you can.” 

Joker chuckled. “Frost said he can get a hold of a convertible for tomorrow! It’ll be fantastic!!” 

Harley and Joker both laughed, envisioning their Halloween night. 

* 

The night of Halloween. 

Alfred tried not to sigh. 

Every Halloween it was left to him to organize the Annual Wayne Halloween Gala and every year something went wrong. This year it was the punch. He had been working on it for hours, but the taste just wasn’t quite right. On top of that, he couldn’t keep Tim from stealing cookies...though he had to admit the boy was getting quite good at sneaking into the kitchen undetected, although not completely. Alfred wiped his hands on his apron. He had caught Tim three times this afternoon even after Alfred had given the young man an entire plate of cookies for himself. That boy was a great deal like Dick, a bottomless pit, though Master Bruce had been the same at that age. All young boys, it seemed, were constantly hungry. Alfred supposed he couldn't blame Tim. Master Bruce would not be at the party for a very long time. Since it was Halloween night, he would want to be out on the streets, which would mean Tim would be with him and the poor boy wouldn’t get to enjoy the party or the food as much as he would like, not to mention no trick or treating. Tim had protested he was too old, but Alfred knew that there was a part of Tim who would like to go out with his friends tonight. It would be all hands on deck tonight too. While Bruce put in an appearance at his own party, Master Dick would be out tonight, as would Miss Cain. The only member of the family who would be at the party the entirety of the night would be Miss Gordon who planned to be using her phone and computer to help. Alfred sighed. It was going to be a busy night. 

He smiled and decided to go check on the last minute decorations he was having put up, a few more orange and green light. He wanted to double check several fog machines they had set up, and he needed to make sure the portable stage that he had rented was set up properly. There were the apple bobbing pools he had set up as well, and he was still worried about the water splashing onto the floor. He had taken every precaution he could think of, but… 

He had just started to make his way toward the ballroom when he heard a knock at the front door followed by the doorbell echoing though the manor. 

Alfred frowned. The mail had already been delivered and he wasn’t expecting anything else for the party, except maybe the band who had asked if they could show up early to do a rehearsal in the ballroom. The butler looked around, wondering where Tim had gotten off to. He thought about having the young man go to the door, certain Tim could handle the band, when, as if summoned like a genie from a lamp, he caught Tim scurrying toward the kitchen trying to use the shadows of the alcoves that ran along this length of hall to hide himself. 

Alfred smirked. The young man was relentless. “Tim.” Alfred said his name and was gratified, smirking a little more when he saw the shadow that had darted into the alcove go still. There was a knock at the door again and Alfred could hear the sound echoed through the hall. 

“Master Tim, would you mind going to check the front door for me? I’m not expecting any deliveries, but if you could go answer our caller, I would appreciate you taking care of it while I go to check on a few things in the ballroom.” 

Tim extracted himself from the shadows looking a little guilty. “Sure thing Alfred.” 

Alfred smiled. “There might be another plate of cookies and some candy for you.” 

Tim grinned, his cheerful boyish face lit up at the prospect of more sweets. 

He gave Alfred a salute. “You can count on me Alfred.” 

“Thank you Master Tim.” Alfred smiled and headed toward the ballroom while Tim galloped to the front door. 

* 

Tim opened the door and frowned in surprise. There was a large man in a gas mask wearing a long black tulle skirt, a long sleeve black top and a tall pointy witch hat on his bald head with a tulle veil hanging down over the gasmask. It was a weird costume, Tim thought, but he smiled. 

“Ah, we aren’t giving out candy until after dark…” 

The gasmasked witch held up a finger, indicating Time should wait. Tim watched as the man turned around, and only now did Tim see several large boxes with WAYNE MANOR printed across them and underneath in big purple letters LAST LAUGH CHOCOLATIERS. The big man held one of the large boxes out to Tim. 

Tim frowned, taking the box. “What’s in this?” 

The witch opened the top of the box and Tim looked inside to see large bags of chocolate candy. Tim grinned. “Oh hey! This must be for the party tonight! Cool. Thanks...ah…” Tim looked at the other boxes. “Hey man, you think you could help me carry these to the kitchen?” 

The gasmasked witch nodded and picked up one of the large boxes. 

Tim smiled. “Thanks man, just through here.” 

A few minutes later, once the masked witch left, Tim pulled open one of the boxes. There was so much candy for the party, he was sure Alfred wouldn’t miss one or two. Tim grinned. He would bring some with him tonight to share with Dick and Cassie. He was sure Cassie had never had chocolate before, at least not American chocolate; she would love these! Tim liberated three bags and hurried to his room in the manor. (Bruce had given him his own space here just in case Tim needed to stay over or pretend he was at a sleepover.) Tim’s crime fighting outfit was in his room at the moment and this would be a great chance for him to hide some chocolate on his person without upsetting Batman. Tim knew he would get into trouble later, but darn it! It was Halloween! 

Tim happily hurried up stairs, his three bags of candy in his hands. 

* 

When Alfred returned to the kitchen he was surprised to find the boxes of candy. He didn’t recall ordering more than what he had already received… 

He picked one of the bags up. It was purple with a picture of a child in a clown mask on the plastic. Alfred frowned. Clowns, not his favorite costume. The bags looked cheap and the candy was probably cheap as well, but with the crowd they were expecting for the party, as well as the dozens upon dozens of trick or treaters they got every year, Alfred wasn’t going to send the candy back. He would just call tomorrow to make sure that these boxes were paid for...for now he would make sure the candy was mixed in the bowls with the others for the guests and for the trick or treaters tonight. 

* 

Joker came racing out of the bedroom and stopped, throwing his arms out wide. “TADA!! How do I look?!” 

Harley sat on the couch with Bob, who was still in his gas mask and witch’s outfit, helping her tuck her hair into the nun’s bandeau and straightened the veil she was wearing. Harley glanced over the back of the couch to see her puddin standing there in a long black priest robe that hung to the top of his ankles with buttons that ran down the entire front. The robe had the little cape like shoulders, with a wide black sash around his waist embroidered with purple crosses. He wore black boots, and the typical white and black priest collar. Mistah J was also wearing a wide brim black hat that reminded Harley of a hat she had seen Clint Eastwood wear in one of his spaghetti westerns, and a pair of purple, round lensed glasses. His lips were still painted red and Harley could see a hint of his green hair under the hat, but in the dark and with the lights of Halloween, no one would be able to be sure if they were seeing Joker or a pale priest. 

“Oh, you look fantastic puddin!!” Harley squealed with delight, starting to get up until Bob tugged her back down to finish with her habit. She giggled at Bob, but smiled brightly at Joker. “You look really handsome as always puddin…” She gave her husband a broad smile. “Can I confess my sins?” 

Joker walked slowly over to stand near Harley, lowering his glasses down his long nose to give her a lustful blue eyed gaze over the top of his glasses. “Well my child, I can do my best to help you say your prayers…” He ran his tongue over his upper teeth seductively and Harley squealed with a happy wiggle in her seat. 

“Okay, let's see your outfit Harls!” Joker waltzed over and flopped down in one of the three armchairs they had recently added to their living room, his legs stretched out in front of him. The Thing, as Harley referred to the chair, was an ugly purple crushed velvet chair, but Joker loved it. He had squealed and danced around like a child when they had happened across it by a dumpster. Harley only agreed to let him have it if Bob and Frost got to thoroughly clean it. She had thought cleaning the monstrosity would be an impossible job, yet they had managed it. Now The Thing sat in their living room. 

Harley glanced at Bob. “Can I get up? Am I all done?” 

Bob gave her a critical look from behind the glass eyes of his gas mask, then nodded. 

Harley giggled and stood up with her arms out. She wore the full nun outfit, complete with the full pleated skirt, white guimpe, and the white coif. She had a rosary hanging from her waist and simple black shoes. 

Joker frowned as he looked at her over the top of his glasses. “You look the part, but I can’t see of your pretty attributes except for your adorable face Harls.” 

Harley giggled. “Don’t worry puddin,” she said with a look at him while she tilted her head to the side. “I ain’t wearing anything underneath.” 

Joker’s eyes widened as his eyebrows lifted. “What?” 

Harley made her way over to him, lifting her skirts just enough to allow herself to straddle his lap, and draped her arms over his shoulders, grasping her hands behind his head. She leaned in close, her lips hovered just over his, her eyes hot and lust-filled when she whispered. “I said puddin, I’m completely naked underneath.” 

Joker licked his lips slowly, his eyes never leaving hers while his hands reached down, pulling at her skirt until he could slide his hands under her the thick folds of material, his bare hands feeling the smooth softness of her knees, then her thighs. He grinned, running his hands up her legs to her hips while Harley removed his glasses, setting them on the side table by his chair. She removed his hat in order to run her fingers through his green hair, tugging his head back a little as she leaned in to capture his mouth, kissing him deeply. 

Joker groaned in pleasure. His hands snaked up her sides under the habit. He didn’t feel any panties when he reached her hips, and as he made his way along her torso, feeling the smooth curve from her hips to her waist and finally to her breasts, he found she wasn’t wearing a bra either. Joker grinned against her mouth, his eyes bright, his tongue coiling with hers in a slow playful dance. He covered her breasts with his hands and squeezed while Harley ground against him, making little soft, gasping sounds of want. The rest of the room fell away leaving only him and Harley. They were both completely wrapped up with each other, their kissing quickly becoming more and more heated and wanton. Joker’s hands played with her breasts while she pressed down on him… 

Jonny Frost cleared his throat, interrupting them. (He averted his eyes too. The Boss had Miss Quinn’s costume pulled up so that...well, he was seeing more of her than he wanted to.) They both looked slightly dazed. 

“Ah, Boss, Miss Quinn, I have the cars ready. I uh...I got us a 1950 Cadillac convertible in black…” 

Joker gave Harley’s breasts one more playful squeeze before he pulled his hands out from under her habit, taking a few moments to cover her back up. “Ooh, I love the choice in vehicle Frost!! Very stylish!” Joker giggled smoothing Harley’s outfit down while she returned his glasses to perch on his nose and placed his hat on his head before she brushed some of his green hair back behind his ears. 

Frost smiled and shrugged. “The Catholic priest that ran our church when I was a kid drove one. I’ve always associated those cars with priests.” 

Harley stood up while Joker got to his feet. “Well...I didn’t know you were Catholic Jonny my dear.” 

Frost shrugged. “I’m a recovering Cathloic Boss. Anyway, I got the car waiting and the candy is in the back for you. I also got the guys out in costume hitting the streets to give out candy too.” 

Joker snickered. “This is going to epic Harls!! In the next few hours, Gothamites are going to feel a little bit of Joker and Harley right down deep in their guts!” He grabbed her hand. “Let’s go!” 

Frost stood out of the way as Joker and Harley, laughing together, skipped out of the room. He glanced over at Bob, still in his gas mask. 

Frost checked. “You got the right idea there buddy, it's gonna be a stinky night, worse than the last trash strike or when the Boss used that garbage barge on April Fool’s Day to spread Joker gas throughout Gotham.” 

Bob nodded his silent agreement. 

Frost sighed with a self-mocking smirk. “Come on, this outta be an interesting night.” 

The two men followed their Bosses, heading out to their night of candy giving. 

* 

Bruce Wayne, dressed in a black suit and tie, with a gold and silver bat winged mask over his eyes, took a deep breath through his nose and willed himself to relax. Just another hour and then he could slip away without being noticed (he would be swapping one mask for another.) The Halloween party was crowded, like they always were at Wayne Manor, with local celebrities, Gotham’s politicians and socialites, all of them talking, drinking, and eating, each one dressed in evening clothes of elegant gowns and tuxedos. They all wore expensive masks, some jeweled, or trimmed in precious metals. There was to be an auction tonight on some of those masks, the proceeds going to build a new wing on the Gotham Children’s hospital. The band played an instrumental version of “I Put a Spell on You” and a few of the guests were dancing. Bruce sipped his wine--tiny sips--just enough to show he was participating, but not enough to truly play with his senses. 

Bruce felt antsy. He was anxious to be out of here, patrolling the night. To get out there as soon as possible was important. Halloween was always a night of not just playful mischief, but there were also those who liked to take advantage of others and hurt them on a night like tonight. The streets of Gotham would be flooded with people who had simply partied too much, which resulted in people driving under the influence or walking into places in Gotham that they would usually have the common sense to avoid. There were more muggings on Halloween, more violent assaults--just more everything on Halloween night in Gotham. But Bruce also wanted to stay here at the party. The expensive masks that everyone wore were like shining a spotlight for the more flamboyant of Gotham’s criminal element. Bruce’s gut told him that Joker would be doing something tonight, that an attack on this Halloween party would be right up the Joker’s sleeve, but... 

Bruce heard the deep ding-dong of the front door bell. He could just see the front door from his position in the ballroom. He glanced over as the door was opened to see a crowd of trick or treaters at the door where Tim was helping to give out candy. Bruce caught the young man’s eye, giving him a barely visible nod. Tim nodded back, finishing up with the ghouls and ghosts at their front door before he grabbed a young woman hired to work tonight to take over his duties as candy giver. 

Bruce had just started to weave his way though the ballroom, heading toward the servant stairs when Vicki Vale appeared in front of him. She, unlike the other guests, wasn’t wearing a mask, though she was wearing a form-fitting sleeveless gown that looked to be made entirely out of crystals, which caught the light making her shimmer as she walked. She had paired the dress with a white fur stole that made her look as if she had stepped right out of a Marilyn Monroe film. She had even styled her white blonde hair in a Marilyn Monroe wave. 

“Bruce, I knew that was you.” Vicki grinned at the billionaire. She was holding a champagne glass in one hand and a small piece of chocolate in the other. 

She smiled, holding up the chocolate. “Not sure who made these gourmet chocolates, but they are delicious. This is my third.” She laughed. “Though I suppose it's Halloween; no point in watching my figure tonight.” 

Bruce smiled at her, easily masking his annoyance at not getting away from years of practice. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Is there something you needed?” 

Vicki pouted at him. She always had a pretty pout he thought. “No, I just wanted to say hi, no reason to be so rude.” 

Bruce frowned. “I wasn’t…” 

Vicki took a bite of the chocolate and swallowed. “I’m a reporter Bruce, I can pick up on people's feelings in the words they don’t say.” 

“I’m sorry Vicki, really I am. Halloween always makes me a little tense.” Bruce smiled and bowed his head slightly. “So, you are enjoying yourself?” 

Vicki finished off her piece of chocolate. “It’s okay, and yes, the food is great. And this chocolate, as I said, is…” Vicki’s eyes suddenly went wide as her stomach made a very loud rumble along with a sort of tiny sound that resembled a whistle followed by a squeak. 

“Oh, ah…” Vicki blushed, putting her hand to her stomach. “I…” 

But before she could say another word Vicki made a dry sounding toot that ended in a high pitched squeak. 

Both Bruce and Vicki went still, with her eyes widening in horror. “Oh! Uh...” Vicki looked panicked. 

Bruce smiled. “Ah...will you excuse me?” 

Vicki nodded vigorously, quickly stepping away from him. “Oh course.” But when she moved, Vicki passed gas again, this time sounding a little like a steam whistle. The reporter looked horrified. 

Bruce moved quickly. For him, her passing of gas had just been a perfect excuse for him to make his exit. For Vicki, she had died a little inside from embarrassment. 

* 

Barbara Gordon watched as Bruce quickly left. She smiled, taking a bite of a Halloween cookie while she pulled out her phone, getting herself prepared to help Batman and the others from her phone. She was only partly listening to her father who had a small handful chocolate and was talking to Mayor Hull (who was tossing chocolate into his mouth like he was eating popcorn ) about needing to have more men down around Dixon Docks and the mayor arguing about how expensive it would be, as well as unnecessary. Barbara knew it was because the mayor had connections to the mob and the drugs coming through Dixon were the mob’s, but she didn’t say anything. She was busy on her phone when she heard her father’s stomach make a rather loud gassy rumble. 

The two men stopped speaking and Hull chuckled. “Might wanna lay off the deviled eggs there Gordon.” 

Gordon looked embarrassed, pressing a hand to his stomach. “Maybe…” 

That was when Hull’s stomach answered with an even louder rumbling that was quickly followed with a loud, rippling blast of gas. 

Everyone around them stopped, turning to look at the mayor. This was swiftly followed by snickers that littered the crowd, except that was the moment someone else on the other side of the room let out an audible fart that rumbled like a miniature blast that echoed in the ballroom. 

Barbara pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh, only to have the woman standing behind Barbara made a soft groan followed by what Barbara could only describe as a series of quick squishy sounding farts… 

Once the farting started, it was as if a flood gate had opened. 

Barbara’s eyes widened and she burst out laughing. 

* 

In the kitchen, Alfred was directing a few of the hired staff on the serving of the hors d'oeuvres. A couple of them had come in to switch out their empty trays for full ones when a young man with large brown eyes, groaned and bent over near Alfred and let out a blast of gas loud enough that everyone in the kitchen jumped. 

The young man stopped moving, his eyes wide, his cheeks flushing a bright red. “Ah...sorry...I didn't mean to…” 

Alfred shook his head. “It’s fine, just do not let that happen while you are serving…” 

One of the cooks let a loud fart, one that sounded like someone dragging their hand over a leather or vinyl seat cushion...then someone else farted as well. 

Alfred groaned and closed his eyes with a shake of his head. 

* 

Frost pulled the car down the street, driving slowly as trick or treaters rushed across the street without looking. In the distance, they could see the flashing lights of a fire truck slowly making its way along the streets, the firefighters handing out candy to the children. Not too far from where their car was currently idling by a stop sign, the two of them could see a couple of police cars. 

Joker cooed. “Aww! Look at all the little ghosties and ghoulies Harls!” 

Harley giggled. “And princesses and pirates too. They all look so cute!” 

In the back seat where Joker and Harley sat, were two large baskets filled to overflowing with Joker’s gassy candy, each one wrapped in little packages making them look store bought, perfect little pieces of mischief designed to raise no suspicion. 

Joker grabbed a handful. “Frost, put the top down! Time to do a little tricking along with these treats.” 

Harley frowned for a moment. “Puddin, these won’t hurt the kids will they?” 

Joker turned to Harley, pulling his glasses down to look over the top of them at her. “Harley, what do you take me for? A monster? You know I would never harm a hair on an adorable little monster!” He grinned happily. “Kids are the best! They love a good joke! Of course I would never hurt one. Besides, kids are like fish. You throw the little ones back in and come back when they are much, much bigger!!” He laughed. “Nope my dear, these are strictly fart blasters.” He giggled. “The kiddies will love them, especially when mommy and daddy start tooting away.” 

Harley giggled happily, leaning over to kiss Joker’s cheek. “Sorry Mistah J, I know you would never hurt a little one.” 

Joker grinned, reaching over to squeeze Harley’s knee. “Now, let’s make this a really fun night, shall we Harls?” 

Frost began to lower the top as Harley wrinkled her nose playfully. “Let’s!” 

* 

Batman arrived at the top of an office building, looking out into the night. Robin landed beside him a couple of seconds later. The two of them had just finished stopping a mugging. Nothing difficult. They had come up here to meet with Batgirl and Nightwing just to get a report on how this Halloween night was going. 

Robin crouched down near Batman’s, feet looking out onto the city. “It’s pretty quiet tonight, actually,” he said glancing up at Batman who was mostly in shadow. 

“Yes, but we must always remain vigilant,” Batman said softly. 

That was when they both heard Nightwing behind them. “Yeah, I haven’t enjoyed a Halloween since I was eight years old. Now all I can ask is for a quiet one.” 

Robin turned and waved. “Hey Nightwing.” 

Nightwing smiled. “Hey Robin, how’s it going?” 

“Fine.” Robin grinned. 

Batman didn’t turn, continuing to look out onto the city. “How has your patrol been Nightwing?” Batman asked. 

Nightwing shrugged even though Batman wasn’t looking at him. “Nothing to worry about. I haven’t seen or heard a peep from any of the costumed jerks tonight.” 

Batman’s voice was low as he growled. “I don’t like it. Joker always does something on Halloween.” 

Robin chuckled. “Maybe Harlely kept him in tonight.” 

Nightwing laughed. “Hey! You’re too young for that joke.” 

Robin chuckled. “No, I’m not.” 

Without warning, figure formed silently beside Robin and he yelped in surprise. Nightwing chuckled. “Hey Batgirl.” 

Batgirl, as usual, said nothing, though she inclined her head. 

Robin stood up. “Hey Batgirl, I brought you something. You ever have chocolate before?” 

Batgirl shook her head. 

Batman turned. “Robin…” 

“I just grabbed a few pieces for all of us.” Robin turned to Batman. “I just thought since we weren’t trick or treating…” 

Nightwing frowned. “Aren’t you a little old anyway?” 

Robin stuck his tongue out at Nightwing before he replied. “No, not really, but anyway I just grabbed some from the party to share. I thought Batgirl might like to try some.” 

Robin pulled out the pieces of chocolate he had brought with him, handed two to Batgirl, two to Nightwing, held two for himself, and offered two for Batman. 

Batman frowned, taking the chocolate and placing it into a compartment on his belt. “Later.” 

Nightwing unwrapped his and popped both pieces into his mouth at once while Robin did the same. Batgirl examined her treats, watched the two of them, then followed suit, unwrapping and lifting her mask to pop both pieces into her mouth. Robin watched her and was gratified to see the smile behind her mask. 

“Chocolates are good, eh?” Robin asked and Batgirl nodded. 

Batman frowned. “If you are all done…” 

Robin frowned. “Come on Batman, just try one piece.” 

Batman frowned deeper. The lines around his lips communicated disapproval, but Robin didn’t let up. “Come on, just one…” Robin grinned and Batman sighed. “One, then it's back to work.” 

Batman pulled out one of the pieces of chocolate, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. He chewed with no expression. 

Robin grinned. “Well, good, eh?” 

Batman sighed. “Yes. Now, are we ready?” 

“Yeah...I’m heading over to the Amusement Mile and Batgirl is heading to Coventry,” Nightwing said while stretching his arms over his head. 

“Good. Robin and I will be heading toward the upper west side. Call if you find the Joker, or any of the typical costumed crews,” Batman said before turning to Robin. “Ready?” 

Robin nodded. “Yes sir.” 

Batman nodded turning to Nightwing and Batgirl. “We’ll meet at the Old Gotham clocktower in four hours. Oracle is on. If you need anything contact her. If you find the Joker and Quinn, contact her immediately.” 

Everyone nodded and took off into the night. 

* 

Joker laughed leaning over from where he and Harley sat on top of the back seat of the convertible, the top of which was down to allow them to give out candy to all the little trick or treaters. 

“There you go my child, enjoy!” Joker leaned out and dropped a handful of his chocolates into a plastic Jack O'Lantern. He made the sign of the cross over the child and their parent before going onto the next. Joker blinked in surprise when a little boy dressed as Batman came rushing up to the car and held up his sack. 

“Trick or Treat!” The miniature Batman yelled. 

Joker blinked in surprise behind his glass for a moment, frowning, but his frown quickly turned into a merry giggle. “Oh you my child, deserves a little extra for that wonderful costume!” 

Joker dropped two large handfuls of his special chocolate into the child's bucket, much to little Batman’s delight. “Make sure you share with your family, sweetling!” Joker called out as the little 

Batman took off with his mother and father following quickly behind. 

Joker muttered darkly to himself. “Kids these days…” 

Harley, on her side of the car, was dropping candy into sacks too, while also cooing and exclaiming over every single child’s costume. A little boy with big blue eyes dressed as the Joker came up to their car on her side, causing Harley to gasp loudly with delight. “Trick or Treat!” the little Joker yelled out. 

He was wearing a little purple suit with a yellow dress shirt and vest, green tie and a large yellow plastic flower in his lapel. His hair, a mass of curls, had been sprayed green and he had white make up smeared on his little face, along with a bright red smile. 

Harley squealed reaching over and grabbing Joker’s sleeve, giving him a hard yank. 

“Father Jay!! Father Jay!! You have to look at this little tyke’s costume!” 

Joker grinned at some kids, dropping more candy into their buckets before scooting over to see what Harley was going on about. He gasped when he saw the diminutive Joker. 

“My son, who are you dressed as?” Joker asked with delight, leaning across Harley to have a better look at the little clown. 

The little boy’s father grinned. “He likes the Joker. I mean, I know it ain’t popular, but the kid likes clowns and he thinks the Joker is funny...I just make sure he don’t know about…” The father put his hand up to shield his words as he leaned closer and whispered. “The more violent stuff.” 

Joker cooed and patted the little Joker softly on the head while the kid’s father beamed happily. “Oh, aren't you just perfect!” 

Harley giggled. “Isn’t he though?” 

Joker nodded. “Sister Quinn, give this child some candy!” 

Harley giggled happily and dropped a couple of pieces into the little Joker’s bucket. 

Joker leaned over and did his blessing on the kid, patting the child on his curly haired head again. “Now, don’t let anyone tell you who to like little guy. Always be yourself!” 

“Ah, excuse me Father…” 

Harley and Joker looked over to see a couple of policemen walking toward them. One of them, a heavy set male, put a hand up in greeting. “Sorry Father, Sister, but I just had to check out who you were…” 

The cop, a man with a big gut, gave the little Joker a narrow eyed looked as the little costumed child ran by before he came to stop beside the car. His partner was much shorter than him, a strongly built Latina woman with large, dark eyes. 

The male cop smiled, looking at Harley, thinking to himself that he had never seen a prettier nun in his entire life. She was drop dead gorgeous, which made him wonder what was under her habit. He sighed. Always a shame, he thought, when the pretty ones were married, or in this case, a nun. 

“Sorry, just had to see who was giving out candy from a car...you understand father…” The policeman lifted a brow. 

“It’s Father Jay my son and this is Sister Quinn.” Joker smiled brightly. “And of course, you have to come and check us out! Who knows what kind of villains we could be! We could be slipping razor blades into bars of chocolate!” Joker chuckled softly, exchanging a look with Harley. “I don’t blame you for that, just keeping our Gotham streets safe and making sure the little tykes are safe as well.” 

Harley nodded giving both officers a bright smile. “Yes, I so admire you officers out here doing your jobs.” 

(Frost had gone stiff when the officers approached the car. He had donned a simple black mask over his eyes after Harley and Joker had pouted for the first half of the ride over here. He was now grateful that he had caved in to their pouting, but he was still on edge with two cops so close. Bob was beside him, still wearing his gas mask, which he hadn’t take off all day, happily giving out candy as if nothing at all was wrong.) 

The male officer, who’s name tag read Brady, laughed. “Well, thank you both.” 

He smiled at Harley, no longer really looking at Joker. Joker frowned, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. He could tell by the way the man was looking at Harls that he found her attractive. Shame on him, lusting after a nun Joker thought, pervert. AND he was lusting after his girl to boot! He supposed he couldn’t blame the man. She was a little hottie, but she was his hottie. 

“Officer Brady, would you and your partner…?” He looked questioningly at the other officer. 

The woman smiled. “Officer de Rosa.” 

Joker continued. “De Rosa, like some candy? I mean, there is no harm in two of Gotham’s public servants having a bit of chocolate on Halloween, now is there? And we have plenty.” 

Harley nodded grabbing two large handfuls and holding them out. 

Brady laughed. “Sure thing father, thank you.” 

“No no, thank you Officer Brady, for doing such a wonderful job and keeping an eye out for the bad guys,” Joker purred with a wide smile. 

* 

Officer Brady and Officer de Rosa were back in their police cruiser watching as Father Jay and Sister Quinn moved on, the car slowly rolling past them. The Sister waved at them, her smile beautiful. Brady waved back, throwing his tenth piece of chocolate in his mouth. “It’s always a shame when the pretty ones become nuns like that.” 

De Rosa wrinkled her nose at him. She hadn’t touched the chocolate, giving it all to Brady. “So only the ugly ones should be nuns?” she asked with a cocked eyebrow. 

Brady made a face. “That wasn’t what I meant...but...well, why not? The ugly ones ain’t ever gonna get a guy…” Brady was baiting de Rosa. He loved pushing her buttons until she lapsed into yelling at him in Spanish. It was cute. 

De Rosa groaned loudly. “God Teddy, you are such a pig!” 

Brady laughed then frowned, putting a hand to his stomach as his gut made a loud rolling sound. “Damn…” He muttered. 

De Rosa frowned. “You okay?” 

Brady shook his head. “Nah, man, I feel like I do when I eat too much Indian food.” 

De Rosa narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s all the chocolate you’ve been slamming down all night.” 

Brady’s stomach made another roiling sound followed by a weird popping. “Shit…” 

Brady’s gas came out of him in an explosive, loud burst. The sound was deafening in the police cruiser, the seat doing nothing to cushion the sound, which was quickly followed by the smell. 

De Rosa screamed. She actually screamed, reaching for her door latch and practically falling out of the car while Brady sat still, looking shocked. 

* 

Across town Batman swung up on a building. A few seconds later Robin joined him, but the moment the young man landed on the roof next to him, Robin let out a loud blast of gas. 

Robin went still and Batman could almost see the boy’s blushing cheeks. 

“Ah...sorry,” Robin muttered. 

Batman frowned. “Robin, you can’t be...quiet and stealthy if you...make noise.” 

Robin frowned. “I know...I just...couldn’t help it. It just sort of happened...ever since I ate those two pieces of chocolate…” 

Batman looked quizzically down at Robin just as the boy vented again, a loud rip that resounded into the night air. 

Robin groaned, grabbing his stomach. “Ah damn it!” 

Robin raced to the other end of the building, each step eliciting another rude noise. 

Batman felt the first rumble in his own stomach. His stomach was like iron and he was careful about what he put in it, but he had also trained himself to withstand poisons, and numerous other drugs, so simple gas was not something he typically experienced...but now… 

Batman quickly pulled out the last piece of candy and the wrapper. He frowned, examining the wrapper, only now realizing it was purple. As he unfolded the label, his guts beginning a slow churning, he read the label that he hadn’t bothered to look at before. The label read in small, but sparkling letters, LAST LAUGH CHOCOLATES and in smaller, barely readable letters, “a gassy laugh in every bite.” 

Batman snarled wadding up the paper. “Joker.” 

He hissed just as he winced and a small toot sounded from the batsuit. 

* 

Joker and Harley, still in their costumes, were sprawled across their couch. It was nearly two in the morning, but the local news had a special broadcast. 

“It has come to our attention that some of the candy given out this Halloween may be tainted by the Joker. If you find any candy from the Last Laugh candy company, pleased be warned that the candy causes extreme flatulence. At this time, there have been no reports of anything deadly, though there have been several cases of extreme dehydration to do explosive diarrhea at Gotham General Hospital where most of the staff is currently suffering from the same affliction. Police do not believe that the candy is harmful beyond the flatulence, but if the condition persists, please seek out medical help.” The newscaster, a woman around twenty-five with perfectly coiffed hair and bright red lips, smiled into the camera, but the wince in her features was clear just before the camera panned away from her and the woman let out the more horrendous sounding fart that Joker and Harley had heard all night. The shock and dismay on the news anchor’s face was perfection. 

Joker howled with laughter wrapping his arms around his middle. “Oh Harley! This has been the best night!!” 

Harley wiped tears from her eyes, giggling. “The only thing that would have made it perfect is if Batman had gotten some of your chocolate!” 

Joker grinned with a happy sigh. “Yeah, I’ll just have to imagine it in my mind’s eyes that he did, but somehow I doubt Batpuss does anything as fun as indulging in chocolate...Or…” 

He reached over and grabbed a giggling Harley, hauling her over onto his lap. “Playing hide the sausage with nuns.” Joker waggled his eyebrows at her. 

Harley giggled draping her arms across his shoulders. “Are we going to play holy communion puddin?” 

Joker purred gathering up her skirts to slide his hands underneath and caress her bare skin. “Yes Harley, my sweet pumpkin, I’m definitely planning on doing some communing with the holy spirit tonight. Maybe do a little clownalingus as well…” He looked thoughtful which only made Harley laugh. 

“Bless me father for I have sinned…” 

Joker growled playfully grabbing her rear and pulling her close. “Mmm...I do love a sinner…” 

Harley laughed happily and started to work at the buttons of his robe. “Happy Halloween puddin…” 

Joker caressed her sides smiling. “Happy Halloween Harley, my pumpkin pie.”


End file.
